The Word You’ve Been Dying to Say
Photo taken in Corfu, Greece by my love, Matija.
Life has an incredible way of teaching us lessons. Sometimes those lessons come naturally. Sometimes they’re passed down through the wisdom of a parent, professor, or mentor. Other times, we make a mistake once and it becomes clear we’ll need to act differently the next time. But more often than not, we get caught up making the same mistakes over and over again until it finally becomes undeniable that something has to change. We must choose to do something differently, or keep reaping the same results.
A Word We Often Forget Exists
Think about this for a moment: How often do you say no in your life right now? Do you say it enough? How many times have you wanted to say no but didn’t, or worse, said maybe instead?
A few weeks back, I began reading Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown, and it reminded me of the true power of saying no more often. While reading his book, one of the biggest revelations I had was about priorities. McKeown explains the history of the word “priority,” how it was originally singular, referring to the top priority. Yet nowadays, people (myself included), organizations, and companies claim to have three, five, or even more ‘top priorities’ all at once. No wonder so many of us feel stretched so thin. Another key takeaway from the book was the idea that all those seemingly small at first yeses eventually begin to consume all of our time and energy. So, when the moment comes for an exciting hell yeah, we’d better hope we still have the capacity to dive in.
One of the biggest mistakes I had been making in the past several months (and, honestly, long before that) was spreading myself too thin. I poured myself into extracurricular activities, academic or professional work, and social circles, leaving little time to connect with myself at the end of it all. And I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. Everything we do demands some of our time and energy, and it’s our job to figure out what’s truly worth it.
Connecting the Dots from Then to Now
From a young age, I was always involved in activities, but it wasn't until university that I really started to overextend myself. By my senior year, I was a full-time student, working part-time at a marketing company, playing leading roles in two philanthropic organizations (plus being a member of a few others), participating in an eight-month innovation incubator competition, applying for full-time jobs, and still maintaining a workout and social routine.
Don’t ask me how I did it all without burning out. Honestly, I don't fully know why I even wanted to do it all. Part of it was probably the aftermath of a painful breakup, a subconscious desire to stay as busy as possible and avoid processing it all. The other part was simple: I wanted to gain experience, and I genuinely enjoyed most of how I was spending my time. Looking back, I have fond memories of that time. I was discovering my core interests and passions, learning, growing, and trying many new things. I know I had stressful moments, but I don’t remember the constant go-go-go feeling like such a heavy burden back then.
Fast-forward six years to 2025. At the start of this year, I found myself overcommitted all over again. But this time, it didn’t feel good at all. The constant demands piled up because I had said yes to way too many things. This realization came on slowly, through my own exhaustion, therapy sessions, and reflective moments with my partner. My therapist’s questions and exercises helped me see how much of myself I’d been giving away so freely. And Matija was a role model, someone who prioritized his own time better than I knew how and said no when he needed and wanted to. These reflections then led me to make a change — to say the word I didn’t even realize I’d been dying to say.
Reflecting Further
Why is saying no so difficult for me? Why do I spend more time worrying about what others want than reflecting on what I want? Why do my own needs tend to fall to the bottom of my to-do list?
Saying no is less about the word itself and more about what it signifies — choosing yourself first. If you say no to a career opportunity, you might fear missing out on advancing within your field. If you say no to weekend plans, you might fear hurting someone’s feelings or a friendship fading away. If you say no to a relationship that’s no longer serving you, you might fear being alone. The scenarios are endless and the fears are valid. But if you continue saying yes to everyone else, what you’re really saying is no to yourself… unless that yes truly aligns with what you want.
People pleasing and genuinely caring for others aren’t inherently bad, but it is important to have boundaries. This may sound a bit counterintuitive, but hear me out. Prioritizing yourself does not make you selfish; it makes you more present for yourself AND others. When you decide to say no to an okay-ish opportunity, you free yourself up to say hell yeah when something extraordinary comes along. When you choose to say no to a social gathering, the ones you say yes to become more meaningful. The more you say no, the sweeter your next yes will be.
How Saying No Actually Brings You More Clarity
When I talk about prioritizing yourself, what I really mean by this is making space for you to find yourself. Do what makes you feel alive. Surround yourself with who and what inspires you. Reflect on what you want out of this life. Meditate, be bored (because boredom often sparks creativity), listen to your intuition, reflect on where you are and where you want to go, be spontaneous, and live outside the confines of a packed schedule or to-do list.
For those of us who tend to put others first, it may feel noble at times, but it's not a flex. Me-time is essential. The more space and time you give back to yourself, the stronger and more grounded you will begin to feel. And as you slowly reclaim the energy you’ve been giving away so freely, you’ll start to thrive. The people who matter most to you will sense it too, and may even begin to thrive alongside you.
So, the moral of the story is this: When an opportunity presents itself, pause and take a moment to consider it fully with all that it entails.
When the time comes to make a decision, say no when you want to say no, and say yes only when you really feel it. And please, for the love of all that is good, try your best to avoid saying maybe because it merely prolongs the period of indecision. At first, your nervous system might feel a shock, but a wave of relief will follow. Why? Because you made an intentional choice. And with time, you’ll begin to find yourself more and more connected to your core self and the life you truly desire to live.